English Jokes

English Jokes

 

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
 
Teacher: John, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
John: No, sir, it's the same dog!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything! 
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help.

 
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!

Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."
Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid.

Teacher: "Spell 'WATER',"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "That doesn't spell 'WATER',"
Student: "Yes, it does it's all the letters from 'H to O'."

Teacher: "How do you think Shakespeare wrote such master pieces?"
College student: "With a pencil, either a 2B or not 2B."
 

Teacher: "Where were you born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.
 
Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
 Waiter: Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
 
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
 
 
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter: I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
 
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But why aren't you laughing?

Son: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Son: Well, where did you get mummy then?
 
Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
 
Peter: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I' ve got another pair of the same at home.
 
Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
 
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're fortunate, mine's still alive.

"The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure,"

 replied her lover "What's your phone number?"

 

Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher: How?
Student: Ladies first.
 Good Luck_M.Davari